As many of you have heard me say when you ask how I am doing, I will often respond, "I'm always good."
This response elicits a variety of responses. A few are:
"C'mon, you can't always be good."
"Are you really?"
"I love that you are always so positive."
"I wish I had that mindset."
"You know what, me too!"
Today, I want to share with you why I feel this way, why I say it, and I share this in hopes that it will give you a better outlook on those bad days that we all can have.
Many years ago when I introspected deeply and became attuned to myself, I had to look at my darkest sides as well. After losing the Navy and breaking my back, I had reached depths of depression I could not conjure up in my worst nightmares. There were days I did not have a single positive thought in my mind, always brooding in hatred, jealousy, and so many negative emotions. As I looked into my myself and saw a third-person perspective looking upon myself, I realized I wanted to be happy. This was a mindset. I so tired of being...tired, ashamed, hateful, sad, judgmental, pessimistic, you name it. Most of all, I realized how important being honest always was.
Saying I am always good is something I did even before I went into the Navy. I used to honestly feel that way. Then, after losing everything, I knew what bad days felt like and I could never get the courage or feeling to actually say I was feeling good. Slowly, the negativity set in and I drowned in my own pathetic sorrow.
As I thought to myself, I wondered if I could get back to believing I was always good and spreading that joy to the world. But I could not lie. I did not want to "fake it till I made it" because lying to people was against my code and new being. So I thought...there are so many people with worse situations. I have so much to be grateful for. Whether it be two loving parents, my best friend, food, anything. And I knew what it was like to have truly terrible days that I could not muster the energy to get out of bed or even talk to another person.
Next, I went into a deeper perspective...I owe it to the kids of our dojo and community to be happy and positive for them. They deserve true joy as children chase the curiosity of daily life with excitement and happiness. I have had students who have been through some of the most harrowing situations in life. As I have shared in past stories, I have had students who have been beaten through the foster system, raped by their own family, sold for sex and drugs by their most trusted role models. If these poor resilient children could still endure life and continue forward, then f*** what my problems were. Who cares if I was broken. Who cares if I lost my dream. Who cares what bad things had been done to me by others that began to strip me of my goodness. Nothing was as bad as what those kids had to endure. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying one should not acknowledge the pain and torment they are feeling and navigate it with care, but I had done that enough. I had given the worst parts of myself at times to the world when I was in my lowest spots, same as anyone else has. I am no better. I am human. If these children could still bring their innocence and beauty and joy to the world aside their traumatic experiences, then I most definitely could always be good - because it could always be much worse.
So, after battling years of deep-rooted depression and anxiety, I decided I could actually always be good. As a matter of fact, anyone can. If you count your blessings and remember there is always much worse out there then you are already ahead of the curve. Being good is a subjective standard. I could formulate in my mind that good, always having some semblance of cheer and true joy, was quite a simple standard to set. I knew what my worst days felt like. I knew what my kids (I say mine because I always look at our students as my kids in a way...please understand I say this not in possession but in bearing responsibility to take care of your children to the highest extent and priority I can) had been through. They deserved to be somewhere that they were greeted with a smile and their families felt safe to be. The students of our dojo deserved to escape the hardships that life can be and have a place where positive energy could bring out their purest and most genuine selves. If I only delved into the negative emotions and aspects of my life, then it would radiate outward. I had already been on both ends of positive and negative spectrums in my life. And I think we all can agree positive emotions are much more welcoming.
An interesting study was done in 1983 by the CIA titled "Analysis and Assessment of the Gateway Process." This study essentially delves into neuroscience and quantum physics, explaining that we are much more beyond our physical world. In fact, the universe is a complex system of interacting energy fields. Essentially, what you think and feel, you can become.
People do have energy fields around them that radiate at different frequencies depending on their brain and heart coherence. Gas Discharge Visualization (GDV) devices are used in scientific experiments today to track these energy fields. When you think of matter, 99.99999% of what we see is actually energy in quantum physics terms. 0.00001% is the physical realm we see everyday.
When I have been positive in my life before my worst traumas, I remember how much the world around me positively changed. When I became destroyed and negative in my life, I remember how my life crumbled and what felt like my "force field" of life felt diminished. So, I wanted to tap back into the positives of life and release positive energy into the world.
I have had many parents and people in my life say to me that they feel this aura of positive energy when they are around me. I am honored and happy to give that off. Being around too much negativity only drowns us. Think of when you were around a negative person or group so much and how it weighs you down constantly. On the flipside, remember when you were around a positive and happy bunch and how you began to feel more elevated.
I am not going to go deep into the science of how what we think we can become but there are many studies out there that are mind-blowing.
Back to my point - I am always good. I say this with sincerity. I have my bad moments and harder days, but it does not mean that I am not good. I am subjectively good because it can always be worse. I mean think about it, I have this beautiful dojo with 300 wonderful families. I have the privilege of volunteering to help kids across numerous school districts. I have the trust and love of so many cute little faces in the dojo and their families which is truly priceless. I have a roof over my head. I have a vehicle. I have two amazing dogs. I get to skydive. I can do 95% of things that I should not be able to do with the back I have been given (my doctor's words). In what world do I not have it good? I can't think of one. I only got to this point by having positivity and happiness in my life to keep my conscience clean and my life prosperous. I am grateful to all of you for helping me to be this way. You inspire me. Your children inspire me. I owe it to them (and in my mind God) everyday of my life as they are what saved me from my darkest times.
I share this with all of you because maybe you are dealing with rough times...but simply get out of your head and look in front of you. See the moment you are in. The beautiful blue sky or the uniqueness of the rain falling from it. Reflect on what you have to be grateful for vs everything you may not have. Envision what you desire and simply help the next person you come across because maybe their day is not as good as yours. We all are dealing with life together. But if you can simply change your energy and outlook, and trust me I understand it is much easier said than done, then you will see happiness open its door to you. It is a constant practice. It does not change in one day. It took me roughly 6-8 months after thinking very deeply about changing my attitude towards the world before I knew I could say I was always good...and now you cannot break my mindset on that. Through this, I have been able to overcome my body and mind in ways that are considered impossible.
I do not say this to brag or for people to think, "Well of course you're always good. Look at how good your life is." I lived in my car at a point (but I had a car thankfully). I could barely walk without assistance at a point and could not even lift a 10 lb dumbbell at a point (after being able to run 60+ miles a week and swim 10+ miles a week while lifting hundreds of pounds, but hey I could still get around).
I share this because I want all of you to feel that positive energy and uplifting feeling in your life. It does not matter how dark a path you're on or how bad your days may be...You can turn it around and get out of it. The best way to start is to give back to another person and expect nothing in return. When you can bring joy to the world around you, your internal world will rewire itself. Don't do it for clout. Don't do it because your miserable. Do it because it's the right thing to do and because you may have wished someone had done that for you before. Do it because you only get what you give. Do it because the path to being positive and honing positive energy is about giving others positive energy. It will find its way back to you. Call it karma. Call it the Law of Attraction. Call it what you will. I simply call it being a good person.
I encourage you to go look up studies on how meditation, brain and heart coherence, and other positive-mind studies have achieved "impossible" results in the the scientific world. Remember that you are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become and believe in. If you aim everyday for that goodness, even on the days you wished to be left alone or don't want to go out of your way to be "good" per se, you will see how this adds up in dividends. I say it because I have experienced it and want you too also. I say this most importantly because I want the best for all of you in our dojo and most of all for your children. I love each of them with every bit of my being. They deserve nothing more than happiness and a place to feel safe to be themselves that resonates positivity. I bear the responsibility to let that positivity begin with myself. I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach as this represents veracity which is a leading term in my ZMA mission statement: "To permanently better live through veracity, family, and martial arts."
So when you come in, know that I mean it when I say I am always good. Know I am always good because of the kids at our dojo. They are the greatest blessing of my life. Thank you for your trust and relationship within our dojo and with the most important thing in my life and yours - the kids.
Give your positive energy. The world needs it. The world needs you. I love you all. Osu!
