I Love You. Here's Why.

Hi everyone. It is Doshi with one of my Doshi thoughts. Today, I share with you that I love you. I want to explain why I throw these important words around, some instance of what they mean to me, and why I choose to say this to you all. As I have said time and time again, you trust myself and my staff with your children. This is the most important thing in my life, yours, and our world, in my opinion. This means me giving transparency to the families under our dojo allows for you to know what leads my thoughts and actions and to show how much I value your trust and friendship in our home. I encourage you to read this in its entirety. To begin, Mason Samuel Weitzel was my best friend growing up.

It was my junior year of high school. I had just gotten to school. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Two hours passed by in the day. Suddenly, my name is called in from the intercom to come to the office to meet my father for a doctor appointment. I did not have a doctor appointment that day to my knowledge. Why would I go to school for two hours if I did?

My father was there to pick me up in the hallway when I got downstairs. We drove home. As we walk into the house, my mother is sitting on the couch crying. She looks at me and says, "Mason got into a car accident last night."
In that instant my heart stopped and I thought everything else except the worst...maybe he was in a coma and I had to go see him...he must need me to call him, maybe he's paralyzed...then as my mind circled these thousand thoughts in less than a second she continued swiftly, "He died."

Mason was my BEST friend growing up since I was two. My mother and his father were best of friends. He knew me through and through. He was the type of friend that if we did not talk for months and then picked up the phone or saw each other, it was like we did not miss a beat.

My heart felt like a knife went through it. I dropped to the floor and cried. I got angry and punched a wall. This couldn't be. I had just spoke to him last night . My father held me while I sobbed.

I am going to recount to you some of my last conversation I had with that great man the night before:

I call Mason, "Yoooo what's uuuuuuuppppppp (tongue out Scary Movie style)!?"

Mason replied, "What's uuuuuuuppppppppp?! I am just driving to my friend's house. She is having a birthday party. What you doing man?"

"I am just hanging out at home. Might play some video games later. How's the car treating you (Mason LOVED his car. He owned a Monte Carlo)?" I replied.

He answered, "Oh man it is so nice! I am going to get some new things done to it when I save more money."

We ended up shooting the sh** with each other for a bit and laughing as we always do.

We concluded the conversation. I said, "Just wanted to call and see how you're doing. Have fun tonight! I love you, man."

Mason replied, "I love you, too, bro."

Those were the last words we said to each other before he went speeding and wrapped around a tree that evening and burst into flames. I know Mason was a good looking guy and girls found him hot, but didn't expect him be scorching like that. Teehee...I am a dark humor person. If you can't laugh at it, then you're just going to be made miserable by it.

I always said, I'd rather my last words be I love you than anything else.

Before I continue into this, I want to share with you the type of man Mason was, how he impacted me, and then I will continue into the larger point of this email.

Mason and me had two very different lives. I was a spoiled little brat when I was younger. If my parents did not get me the specific toy I wanted, I would sometimes throw a tantrum like a wild wombat. I was always a kid who sat with the outcasts and was friends with everyone, but I was spoiled to say the least. I was the little kind nerdy karate kid, but this did not go without my "only-child" syndrome lol when I wanted to get what I wanted. I am grateful my parents always tried to give me the best they could. Mason on the other hand had a mother who cheated on his father, abandoned him and his sister, and left to Missouri to live a life with her new husband. Mason would help his dad pay the bills with a paper route when he was 10 years old. He was grateful to have milk instead of water for dinner at night. He barely had anything of his own and made up costumes for Halloween each year from his own clothes because his dad could not afford any costumes. We always trick 'r treated together. He was a truly gracious human being who always led with kindness and was always excited to stay at my house where there was hoards of cereal in the cabinet and free reign on food.
He was sober the night he died. At the party, the birthday girl did not have a cake. Mason told her and everyone they HAD to have a birthday cake and he made one from scratch at her house for them to all share. Mason knew what it was like to put work in and help others. Everyone loved him because of little things like this he would do. He also had one of the most unique laughs and piercing blue eyes. He just liked to go fast in his car and unfortunately wrecked.

Another day that changed my life forever was when I was 11 years old. Mason had turned 13. He was having problems with a girl he liked at the time. His father had bought him a little bench press workout set for his birthday. Mason was all excited, said he wants to show me what his dad got him, and takes me downstairs to check out the bench. I was young and not into lifting at that age but joyfully listened as he showed me his present.

Suddenly, Mason sits up on the bench, puts his head down and starts crying. While looking down in dismay he says, "Matt, I wish I was more like you. Everybody likes you. Girls like you. You get all the things you want. You're cool. I wish I was more like you."

I'll never forget the feeling that came over me...it was a twinge in my shoulders and head and a warmth that came down through my body...I blurted out without hesitation, "No Mason, I wish I was more like you."

He looked up to me with tears in his eyes and said, "You do?" I answered, "Yeah man. Every day you're grateful just to have milk instead of water for dinner. I'll whine like a baby if I have to eat corn with my dinner. You appreciate everything you get and never complain. If I get a used game instead of a new one, I throw a fit (mind you I had severe OCD when I was younger). You appreciate everything and I act like a spoiled brat. I wish I was more like you man."

For the first time ever I said to my friend, better yet, my brother - "I love you, man."

Mason said it as if it were second nature for the first time, "I love you, too, man."

He was the first person I said I loved aside my family. I meant it when I said it to me. From that day forward, I told myself I would appreciate the little things I was given, just like Mason. He taught me to be grateful. He taught me to be modest and frugal. Mason taught me so much through his character and our friendship. I wish all you could have met him. Buuuuut he's dead so you can't (more dark humor teehee).

It could be the last moment you see someone in any instance. We all have one thing in common. That is death. We cannot avoid it and we are stupid to think we can. If you could say anything as your last words to somebody, wouldn't you want it to be something beautiful for them to leave with?

You can love people differently. I love my parents or women I have dated differently of course. You love your children a special way. I believe you can say you love the person next to you, if you mean it with earnest care. Hell, what does it hurt to give someone those beautiful three words.

Now I do not say these words with expectation of people saying it back. I say them so you know someone cares and wants to see you do well. I say it to existentially spread joy outward from my being. It does not to be an intimate love. It can be a love of genuine support. You can say those words and when a person goes home, no matter how bad their day was, they can say at least one person said something sweet to them that day. Sometimes I get weird looks when I say I love someone. Sometimes I get a genuine "I love you" back. It melts my heart every time. You never know when it is your last time seeing somebody, so why don't we spread love a little more? What better than the three kindest words to leave someone with?

Mason was the first friend I ever truly said those words to. They were also the last words we said to each other the night before he died. I have no regrets in that. How could I?

I share this with you so you know, I say I love you with the intention of explaining that I want the best for you. I cherish you. I value you. No, I am not saying you have to say it back. I understand those are very sacred words that people save for a select few and this is fine. But I will say it, and I want you to know I mean it.

I could die tomorrow. You could die tomorrow. They say one of the most important things we should do is think about our deaths often. It encourages us to appreciate the moment and not take for granted what is in front of us and to use our time wisely. Fyodor Dostoevsky had an enlightening moment when in a sudden instant him and the men he was with were told they were to about to be executed by firing squad. They were accused of conspiring against the czar. In this fleeting moment, which him and none of the men expected, he was flooded with so many emotions realizing his life was about to end. The lights fluttering through the sky became more vibrant. He noticed the fear behind the false bravado of faces the men were making. He became so much more in tune with his relatability, emotions, and humanity when he realized it was all about to come to an end in less than minutes. Abruptly, the firing squad was called off and they were sentenced to a Siberian gulag instead. But this moment forever changed his outlook.

One thing I do love beyond all capacity and myself are my students. This love is the reason I can do the things I can do with the back that I have. My specialist says I should not be able to run, let alone flip, skydive, fight, etc. But the love of my students has always been the reason for me to never have an excuse. I love each of them will all of my bearing and heart. I would lay my life down for any one of them without hesitation. They saved me from my darkest depths when I was lost, broken, and saw nothing but turmoil in my mind and life. Children are the purest thing that heal your soul. They saved mine all my life, but especially when I lost the military. A child's love and trust is so genuine and should never be compromised. I am not afraid to die. I am afraid to not live the most fulfilling life I possibly can to help give our children the love and tools they need to handle life.

I send this today to tell all of you - I love you. It is a love of care. If I could share any last words, I would say those three words because everyone deserves a little love (except people that hurt children or terrorists). I hope this insight helps you to understand who I am more in depth. The love you have for your children is something I value beyond anything which is why your trust with them resonates tenfold in my soul.

You never know the day someone is having. You never know when your last moment will be. To all of you, same as I said to my best friend Mason in our final conversation - I love you.

Thank you for being a part of our dojo and for trusting us with the most important thing in your life and mine...the kids. I love each and every one of them. And I love you all of you too. Osu!