Why I Compliment You

Parents, you trust my dojo and me with the most important thing to you - your children. Let me be transparent about who I am to you. I let my entire thought out on this so get yourself some popcorn to sit and enjoy because I will not lie, it is long. It is worth it, in my opinion, to read through as it gives you more insight on how I think and who I am as we do speak weekly.

To begin, too many times in life we get defensive of what people do and say to us because people ALWAYS do and say things with ulterior motives. They do things to benefit themselves and masquerade it as doing things for others, especially the machiavellian types.

I am sure you have said this to your kids and were told this growing up - When you went up to your parents being nice or out of the ordinary, our parents would say "What do you want?" Knowing we were sucking up because we wanted a new toy or to go hangout with a friend, etc.
As I grew up, I wanted to learn to catch myself, especially with my parents, to make sure I was being kind and gracious to them because I wanted to JUST BE NICE to them. I wanted to make sure I was not doing it for other reasons and trying to manipulate my family. Though it is innocently done, it is still manipulation per say.

As I grew older, I realized I wanted to live an authentic and genuinely good life. I did NOT want to do or say things to people with ulterior motive. I wanted to say kind things to people to be genuine. I did not want to have ulterior motives in what I did. Don't get me wrong, I have done my wrongs in life like everyone else as I am just as human. I am not perfect, but I always aim to better myself.

Johnny Depp said, "Everybody would love to be themselves but they cant because they must fall in line with the person in front of them. You want to live that kind of life, I wish you the best. I'll be on the other side somewhere."
I truly agree with this statement. Society makes us configure and be afraid of what the person in front of us thinks of us because that is our reputation. We always mildly tip-toe around what to say to those in front of us as to not offend or to blend in. But shouldn't we be ourselves and encourage others to be themselves? Shouldn't we accept people when they are honest and not judge? Shouldn't we be honest without trying to manipulate people?
Now I understand there are appropriate cultural circumstances to not be offensive. But what about if we treated everyone as human? Especially in our dojo. That is a culture I appreciate and want to share. We need people we can trust that don't do things with ulterior motives. They do it because they mean it and they care.

What I am getting at is this...yesterday was our Parent's Night Out. I complimented many of the student's parents as they arrived and picked up their children. I noticed some awkward looks from people at times. Over my twenty years teaching experience, I have learned to pay attention to body language. It was so beautiful to see parents who I get to see in pajamas some days, workout clothes on others, and so on, dress up stunningly and go out to enjoy themselves with their significant others. When I see these parents and students, you deserve to hear a genuine compliment that has no ulterior motive behind it.

I believe everyone deserves one genuine compliment a day. I do this with strangers so I obviously would want to do it with people I see weekly. When I am with my girlfriend, I will compliment other people because everyone deserves to be uplifted in their day without someone trying to manipulate them. And my girlfriend also knows, she gets more compliments than anybody because she is gorgeous both in heart and in physicality.

You never know what kind of day someone is having. But we all do little things and appreciate notice. This could be getting a haircut, or new shoes, new nails, new glasses, anything. Letting your guard down to pay someone an honest-genuine-kind compliment may be the one thing that changes their day.

I remember Sempai Nikola and I were having lunch for our book club at Leo's Italian Social. One of the waitresses had this matching bright pink blush, necklace, and earrings. I stopped her real quick and said, "Excuse, the pink today, it pops and you look so beautiful," as she quickly replied with a, "thanks" and went to her table.
Within five minutes, she returned to our table and said, "Excuse me, I just had to say how what you said just made my day. I was having a rough day, and it takes nothing to just say something nice to someone. So just...thank you."
I replied, "You're welcome ma'am," and she went on her way.

It was one of the many times I received responses like this. I got nothing from saying this to her besides all I needed-her happiness. There was no ulterior motive and it created happiness.

When I say you are looking beautiful, or that your outfit is cute/slick or your nails are nice (and that compliment goes to both sexes. One grandpa in our dojo has the best nails around), I mean it. I am not hitting on you or attempting to disrespect. I will compliment both a husband and/or their wife in front of each other. If you are a parent to my student, you are extended family. This is why I always try to mention giving my regards to your spouses when you leave.
And everything my mind gears towards in my life is how to help the kids.
I would never want to disrespect you or your spouses. That would affect my ability to teach your children martial arts and help them better themselves. This is a business of family and supporting that. I aim to give my genuine heart to my students and their families and if you ever feel otherwise, you please tell me.

We as men should compliment each other to build one another up. Men often try to tear other men down because of ego. I complimented a man's chain last night after playing pool and he said, "I appreciate you...a lot."

He emphasized at the end "a lot" because it hit him and sounded real, and I heard it in his voice.

I encourage you to try it. It's awkward at first and you have to learn to be bold in what you're saying because it's not something common people do. But I understand I'm weird and it's not for everybody.

Women should feel empowered and noticed equally. Everyone deserves a genuine gesture.

To conclude this little insight into Doshi's mind,

You will notice I will appropriately compliment the children also. I have been in my fair share of "fun relationships" in my younger years (sorry Hanshi and Sensei Tammy, I love you!). I know what it's like to be manipulated.

I look at these young boys and girls as my children, of course they are yours and all should be known by you. But I know your care for them is the pinnacle of your life, and I respect and want to help guard that with life skills and self defense.

Young girls should hear positive words of affirmation and be built up by the male peers that come into their life, so they know how to notice healthy behaviors and avoid bad relationships as they grow. I believe, after speaking with so many fathers and thinking about the safety of our young girls, and what I would want if I had a daughter, we should be what we want them to accept into their life.

Young boys need to know they do not always have to be "strong" per say. It is not weak or submissive to compliment another man. It makes you bold and up-lifting. I have always wanted people to lift me up positively. I have also had many who secretly thrashed me down behind my back. We all have. Boys should know how to be vulnerable while strong. Vulnerability shows strength. It shows you have mastered what has tormented you but now you can speak freely on it without it affecting your heart. You can cry and feel it, but it doesn't make you sink anymore. What better way to teach men to be strong other than to bring each other up as a unit and being open about their feelings. Giving another boy or gentleman a compliment can change a guy's day all the same. Men need to know it is not a battle when you come in the same room as them, as men often size each other up, especially in a dojo that practices hitting things constantly. Men need to know they are viewed as equals and deserve all the same support and respect.

I practice what I preach. I want to make sure the children are always up-lifting people and being up-lifted themselves.

And if you live honestly, you will do things to everyone's face and when they are not around. This is why I delightfully compliment you with or without your spouse to both sides. I would always be open to your entire family the same way. You deserve those compliments all the same!

To all of the parents from the Parent's Night Out, many of you looked beautiful, dressed dashingly, had slick hair, had nice shoes, and I loved seeing a chance for you to get out for yourselves and enjoy an evening! I meant every compliment and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I hope you pass it on and know whenever you come in and I compliment you, it's because something was unique and stuck out and I loved it.
Also, the Parent's Night Out allowed the children to build bonds with other students, and some of these children are having rough times currently. We all are in life. And this made them a little happier, and I appreciate you trusting my amazing staff and myself with them. Helping the kids for me has no ulterior motive. It is the first priority. Thank you for being a part of that family.

This is my MatChat lol! And you are all beautiful, and if I have not complimented you yet, it will happen, trust me. Everybody has something beautiful about them somehow.

I share this so you know who I am and why I do what I do. I love you, all. Osu!