Be Bold

Hi everybody! It is Doshi Matt here. I miss you all so much! Most of all I miss the kids smiling as they walk through the door. I am excited to see all of their little faces again in the new year.

Before we get back into the groove of things (don't forget, we reopen the 2nd), I wanted to send an email out discussing something I talked about at our Christmas party regarding the culture I wish to build for everyone in our doors, along with some other fun things that have occurred to me over the break. As many of you know, if I have something on my mind that can give you an in-depth look into who I am then I like to share it with you because I believe as a mentor and leader for your children, your trust is the most valuable thing, and having transparency is important for me to pass on. Also, we are all human and I share these "Doshi thoughts" because maybe some of you relate or could benefit from it.

Let me start here. Be bold. Over the break, I turned 30 years old.

If you came to the Christmas party, you saw I was in quite the outfit. It was black and white sequenced all the way from my flat-brimmed hat, to my white and black phone/wallet holster, to my shoes. As mentioned, I was blessed to turn 30 years old over the break. I jokingly told everyone I was trying to hold onto my youth, hence the outfit lol. Mrs. Renee said I looked like I was dressed like an 18 year old. The teen students were JUDGING me hardcore and it was hilarious. Some parents made me laugh saying, "we didn't know you dressed outside of a gi," and they definitely did not expect that outfit. Fun fact, I had mistakenly put that outfit together a couple months ago. Anyway, I stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the festive crowd.

I mentioned in previous emails how the Black Belt students and myself do a book club. They must strengthen their minds and in return, I give them free training and help strengthen their bodies as well. Your body is only as powerful as your mind, which can be very little OR insurmountable strength. I have been on both ends of the spectrum in my life. I work everyday to keep my mind strong for the sake of my body. As you all know, especially watching our documentary that Sempai JoJo made, the kids are my sole purpose to keep my mind and body strong. Anyhow, the Black Belts and me recently read The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary. I won't go too in depth about the book too much, but one of the things that she leads off with is understanding that our children are their own people. They are their own entities, with their own desires, creativity, etc. They are not us. Often, parents will push onto children their confined way of thinking and stunt a child's creativity and originality. She explains ways of encouraging your child to be themselves while still having the "guardrails" of structure, discipline, and reality to guide them. Tsabary goes through the different phases of growing up, how to approach them, and most of all, she explains how your "ego" has to be kept in check. You must introspect and understand why you react a certain way to things, as not to blame your children if it is not their fault, but more your own due to your "ego."

It struck me the way the author explained how we must let our children's creativity and independence flourish without hurting them or making them feel they cannot be themselves. This leads to think about myself growing up. I have always been extraverted. I have learned when it is appropriate to sit back and be quiet or not to be bombastic like I can be. I also have learned there are different social settings where it is both appropriate and inappropriate (or not favorable per sey) to stand out. Of course at our Christmas party, I can dress how I would like and anyone else can too, as long as you are not impeding your hurting others. It is okay to be different.

In the dojo, I want the kids to be unapologetically themselves and be accepted for that. It is my job to lead by example in that regard and show them I am not afraid of being judged. Don't get me wrong, we all judge, and for good reason. Your brain only knows what it has experienced and we use this judgement as a failsafe to protect ourselves. Often though, things that are different will intimidate or worry us.

I remember a couple years ago I saw this gentleman at Five Guys (nom nom nom). He has blacked out eyes (he had the whites of his eyes tatted black like he was possessed), and he was tatted from head to toe, except most of his face. He was bold, too, and the top of his head had this dope Pennywise tattoo (the clown from the movie IT). I walked up to him and said, "Man, that is a siiiick Pennywise tattoo! How bad did that hurt to get done there?" He replied that the top of his head was not nearly as bad as other spots he has had done. We ended up chatting for about 20 minutes about tattoos, life, work, etc. I also asked in the conversation how often people get scared to even talk to him or avoid him because of his tats and eyes. He laughed pretty much explaining how it happens constantly. His wife then joined us in our conversation after she had gotten the food and used the restroom, and truly, they were some of the nicest people I had met all month that year.

We are often told not to judge a book by it's cover yet we still do. How often do we give the benefit of the doubt and just talk to people and let their character come out? I know many people are like me and put the best foot forward, but there are plenty that don't and I get it. Hell, I have been there myself before. I think we all have.

Anyhow, I share this story because I have the belief that as long as you are not harming others, leading with kindness, or pushing things onto people, then have at it. Wear what you will (in the appropriate environment of course). Be outgoing how you are. Talk passionately about what you believe in. Be bold. Be you! I want to allow the kids and parents to both have a place where you can be yourself without fear of judgement. I always tell my students and anyone for that matter, I am human. I have made my mistakes just as anyone else. If you are honest, I will not lead with judgement. I will lead with an open-mind, thinking about your safety and care as my first priority, and then we can figure it out. If you cannot establish trust from the beginning, then you have no foundation to build from. This is why when parents are open to me about their lives or their children, that solely helps me to think about how I can help the students. I could care less what anything is, as long as it is honest. I have had many talks with students who have confided in me some of their worst fears, mistakes, etc. How often have you wanted to open up to people, and they say they won't judge, but the second you do, you can notice it on their face that they view you differently in a way? It is a terrible feeling. My parents were always pretty good about making sure I could be open with them. Thats the essence of love. I accept you for your flaws and beauties. I love all of my students. So I made sure not just over my 20 years of teaching that I learned to keep my mind open, but to lead that way in my normal life as well. I truly accepted my humanity when I introspected (read my last email - introspection equates to harmonious success) and this made me realize how I am just as human and messed up as everyone else. Who am I to judge? My faith tells me not to judge. I mess up like everyone. For my student's parents, this applies to you as well. Anything you are honest and open about, I truly appreciate and care. The first judgement I learned to make whenever somebody told me something deep about themselves was the judgement of appreciation - the appreciation for the trust that person is giving me to be open. That is beyond valuable.

I want this for our dojo. I want a place where, as long as you are honest and do not harm/have intention of harming others, you can be yourself and not be afraid the next day you walk in that people (or myself) are worried about what you have been honest about before. Once something is done, its done. We move on. Once something is said, it is safe. It will not be shared (excluding something a child tells me that their parents of course should know).

I want the dojo to be a place where you can be bold, different, quirky, weird. I want all of the different personalities and aspects of each individual to flourish and feel they can continue to bloom. If we establish this culture in the dojo, it will inspire the students to not be afraid when people judge them. It will teach them to stand up against things/people without fear of judgement. It will teach them to tap into their creative differences to help the world in the future. It will teach the kids what it truly means to accept people for who they are and to be proud of others along with themselves. Society will confine us to being quiet when we should not sometimes. Social pressure will cause us not to take action when we should (the pluralistic ignorance effect is a good example of this). Influence from those around us can stop us from being our most vibrant selves. I want to teach the kids to BE the influence. You only get what you give to the world.

I have had numerous friends and students lately who have been around me outside the dojo and notice how I give a genuine compliment to those around me. This is one way I like to help the world. These friends have told me how they started doing it and how beautiful they have seen the effects of it. BE the influence you wish to be. If I was going to lead over 20 schools in Bully Buster, then I had to be bold. I will be judged. That is fine. I judge myself harsher than anyone in this world could judge me. So I know as long as I am aiming to do good and be honest, then it does not matter what others think. YOU will be judged. But in the dojo, I want you to know that those walls can come down as much as you would like. Your children are safe to let those walls down and to be themselves and be open. They are going through some of the most troubling times in life, especially in puberty and searching for who they are as young men and women. They deserve a safe haven to be open and be themselves and know when they return through those doors the next time, they are loved all the same if not more.

I chose to be bold in my outfit. I choose to encourage those around me to be bold and be their truest selves! Be bold and proud of who you are and surround yourself with people that only wish to uplift you and make you the best version of yourself that you can be! You're human. You will make mistakes. And that is okay. But do not lose who you are in those mistakes. Learn from them and make yourself a stronger force to be reckoned with without losing your identity or what makes you stand out. All of those billionaires and other successful people were different. They were bold. It can be a lonely road being yourself but I guarantee you this - it will attract the right people into your life and keep the snakes and fake people away. But that also means you have to have the means to protect yourself from the fake people and snakes. Martial arts gives the physical and mental aspects of handling these things to an extent which is why martial arts is what I chose to give back to the community and to the kids. Martial arts saved me. Martial arts gave me the kids which saved me also.

So please, be bold and be who you are! At least in the dojo, feel free to mess up and be awkward and take the chance. You are welcome to! You don't have to. But I will tell you it will only warrant a big hug and smile from me. If you are passionate about something, let me hear it! Talk to me about what makes you excited! What dreams do you have? How are you getting there? Talk to me about what makes you different! Tell me your hobbies that make you stand out from the crowd. Have differences in your appearance that you are proud of. Have a place where you can be you. I want you to have the dojo - a place where we permanently better lives through veracity, family, and martial arts - a place where you can be yourself unapologetically and will be encouraged and supported and loved.

Be you. Be bold. As many of you know, I am me. I do not care what people think of me, and I have learned over the years how much people are inspired by that, even in passing on the street. When you show others you can embrace your inner child without the fear of judgement, people will loosen up and enjoy themselves more, knowing they are not being judged. BE the influence you want to see. I want to be that influence not just for the kids, but for everyone that comes into my life. I am not perfect. This is why I can be so accepting. This is why all of us can in my opinion.

To give the students and their families a place to be themselves, a place to be honest, and a place to be accepted, is the culture I wish to build. This means being bold and leading with kindness. I hope everyone enjoyed my outfit...thats right, Doshi got the drip lol. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and go into the new year a proud version of yourself.

Your honesty is safe with the dojo. Your children and their self-identity is safe with the dojo. This is a trust I hold most sacred to my heart, and I want you to know me more and the culture I wish to pass onto the world so you are aware of what ZMA stands for.

Thank you for being a part of our family at the dojo. Please go check out our Zahand's Martial Arts documentary - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6O3YHQyX1k - Sempai JoJo did a MIRACULOUS job on this and I am so thankful and proud of her.

Thank you for your trust. Thank you for your support. Thank you for accepting myself and my family to help you in guiding the growth of your children. They are our future. Lets teach them to be bold in who they are as long as they lead with kindness. I only wish to inspire them as much as they have inspired me to never give up.

I love you all so much. Osu.