Introspection Equates to Harmonious Success

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - Carl Jung

Introspection equates to harmonious success. I encourage you all to read this if you want to better your life and understand my journey. Today I want to to share with you something very valuable I learned in my life. This will be a very deep rooted email, but I believe that transparency is important because you trust myself and our staff with your children - our future - and the most important thing God has blessed me with in my lifetime.

Years ago, I was lost. I had faced years of turmoil both mentally and physically from losing the Navy. I was in constant searing back pain. I had a mutual break up with someone I had lived with that then turned sour in the final days. She was a good girl. Neither of us were perfect in our relationship and I felt guilt from wrong I had done. We all have made our mistakes. I am human same as anyone else. But most of all, I was losing my sense of who I was as a person. I was thinking I was what others thought me to be, but I knew deep down I did not believe what they thought of me. It could have been good or bad. I simply was...lost.

I looked at myself one day and realized I wanted to be what I wanted to be and would be sure the world would see that reflection if I lived true to my word and my being. I owed it most of all to the kids. I had no right to teach them if I did not live with veracity in guiding them and helping the world. This was a terrifying and daunting reality and task. I was going to have to dissect who I was as a person. Why do I react the way I do to certain things? What ticks me? What are my morals I would NEVER break? How could I move forward and let nothing stop me to protect the ones I loved if I could not conquer my own mind?

I sat in my room, turned the lights off, and for three days, hours each day, I sat in a silence and delved into my mind. Who was I? I was not what my parents thought of me. They are bias lol. I never felt worthy of being the grandiose things others told me I was and I had my reasons.

The thing that triggered me to look deeper into myself was a certain book. I had recently read "Ordinary Men" by Christopher Browning. Browning is a psychologist. This book follows the Reserve Police Battalion 101 Division which were the German troops who invaded Poland and enacted the Final Solution - Hitler's disgustingly horrific plot to liquidate all Jewish people.

People often say if they were the German people, they would have never done what the Nazis did. But Browning argues that 90% of us would have. He follows these men through each step of their killing spree, from the first moment they walked men, women, and children down and put bullets into their heads all the way till their court tribunals. A lot of people believe these Nazis were all indoctrinated youth who were brought up to believe in the Nazi ideology. But Browning argues - through deep studies of diaries, court manuscripts, eye witness and personal accounts, et cetera - that these men were not indoctrinated individuals. Some were socialist, WW1 veterans, did not believe in the Nazi ideology, so on and so forth These were "ordinary men." Yet, they still committed and followed through with these atrocities. Man is capable of doing horrific things at all levels of life.

Even some Holocaust survivors are afraid to recount their times in the death camps because they did horrible things to stay alive. Browning argues that the majority of people would fall victim to influence and pressure, citing many scientific sources and studies to back this, while rebutting other writers who claim most Nazis were indoctrinated.

One of the interesting things that Browning begins with is the commander of the battalion, Major Wilhelm Trapp, did not believe in what they were ordered to do. Before beginning their reign of executions upon innocent people, he spoke to the battalion and gave them a chance to opt out of the order. Surprisingly, only 3-4 people stepped out of the firing line, which was about 10% of the group. This is flabbergasting and horrific. He explains reasons  these men may have succumb to doing so, and he explains, as they did so, how some of these men justified the murders. For example, some would justify killing a little boy or girl because their mother was just killed next to them. How could a child live without their parent to bring them up? There are many other avenues explored in the minds of these individuals.

It is explained how these men became numb, used alcohol and other coping mechanisms to deal with their atrocious acts, and how they became destroyed mentally themselves while being hardened genocidal murderers.



Before I go further, I want to get very deep with all of you. Over my years of life, I have made my mistakes as anyone else. I have also witnessed horrid things that I did not believe possible in the people I knew. Two examples of this:

One: An old karate instructor and former friend of mine who lived in another state had crossed a big line. This man was admired by many. He was a passionate person, knowledgable, and one of the best in his field. He led fight teams all around the world at one point in time. To my utter dismay and shock, I had heard he had relations with a 16 year-old student from his facility.
I never thought in the world this man would do something like this. The 16 year-old claimed it was "consensual" but there is nothing consensual about an underage individual, and student for that matter, being taken advantage of by an adult and especially a teacher. No teacher should EVER take advantage of their students, especially those underage and so vulnerable to life.
Of course, this is why I am not his friend any longer. But to hear this "great" man could do such a thing made my reality shift of what capabilities people have.

Two: This story will be even darker and I will be very direct with it.
I had a former male student who had an older sister. The sister was roughly 10 when her brother trained with me. The young boy was 8 years old. Their mom was a sweetheart and dad was a former marine. Dad could be rough around the edges with his discipline but he always seemed to have good intention and love for his children. About two years later my mother sees our former student's mom at drug mart. She asks what she was doing there and how things have been?
Instantly, the mom broke down. She had gotten a second job trying to keep her family going. Dad had raped their 12 year-old daughter. He was in prison for 1st degree rape. Personally for me, I say castrate and kill the mother ******. But that's just me.
How? How on earth could a father, especially that father, take advantage and sap the innocence of his own little girl? He was supposed to be the man that protected her. He was supposed to be the shining example of what men should treat her as. And yet, this man, who I never thought could do something like this, hurt the most precious thing in this world - a child...his own child.



To continue from before - this book made me truly reflect. I had this fear in me to take the responsibility of the dojo. I have taught since I was 8 years old. Growing up, I was often under a microscope anywhere I went because people knew me. I could not always act and do normal dumb kid stuff because it would reflect on our business and who I was. I had done Bully Buster for about 5 years at this time, but I noticed where my ego would get in the way and cause me to react poorly under certain circumstances. Of course I never reacted horribly or anything, but as any teacher, I had made simple mistakes and had to understand why I did not react in the most positive manner I could have. Most importantly though, I had lost who I was because fear of responsibility left me in a limbo. I realized I wanted to become who I wanted to be. I wanted to become who I knew I was or at least work towards that and not let anyone else's judgement of me matter. But to do this I had to know...who was I?

If these ordinary men could commit such atrocities in Poland. If these people I knew personally could do unspeakable things, then I needed to know who I was. Before I turned out the lights in that silent dark room and went into my head, I told myself - I will ask myself the darkest questions. Even if I have never thought something so horrid, I will ask myself my capability. I will ask myself where do my lines draw where I will not be quiet and stand up against evil. How much evil is in me? Every reaction has an equal and opposite reaction. You can only have the good by having the bad. We humans are capable of very much beyond our imagination. History has shown this. We are capable of true evil and true goodness.
I decided will NOT take the dojo on and will walk away from it all if I come to ANY conclusion that I could harm a child or my students. I will know who I am so I can bear the responsibility and no one can stand against me because I know me. I was petrified.
I turned the lights off and for hours upon three days of darkness and silence. I thought through my brain. I healed my inner child. I realized what triggers I had and why I was the way I was. Obviously, I quickly came to the conclusion that I would never even think to hurt a child or my students, but the questions needed to be asked. For my student's parents sake and for my student's sake, I needed to have all the answers. And through this introspection, I was able to come out calmer, more empathetic, and understanding of the humanity in everyone else. I accepted my humanity. And from then on, I set goals for a better future. The first step was climbing the hardest mountain, taking on my father's legacy.

I share this with you today because, one, I believe it is important for you to know the man who leads the most precious thing in your life under the dojo roof. Your children are the most precious thing in my life. When I lost everything, the students were my "why" and the only reason for me to keep going. They were there for me when I was 8 years old, 18 years old, and to this year as I turn 30. Yay, dirty 30!!!

Another reason I share this is I challenge you, if you haven't, to look into yourself. I know many of you have. I have had many conversations with great parents and people in the dojo. You inspire me to better myself constantly. I aim to do the same for you. There are many successful people in life who do not live a truly good life. Connor McGregor is an example. Recently, he faced a rape charge on a woman. Of course he denies it, but the evidence and court concluded otherwise. He was once regarded as a UFC goat, but with fame and money, he toppled. To live in harmony, I believe one needs to analyze themselves deeply. It takes constant work, reevaluation, and racking your brain about each moment in your daily life. How you react and how to catch it. As Jung said, you have to make the unconscious conscious. You have to know what guides your actions in order to control yourself and give good to the world, aside your basic selfish human tendencies that are engrained in you for survival. If you can do this, success becomes more peaceful. You do not fall victim to the quick pleasures and temptations or even evil, as McGregor did. Once you know who you are and what you will forever stand for, then the daily task of analyzing your reactions and why you do what you do becomes easier. Soon the mountain becomes a molehill.

One last reason I share this is because I have the Black Belts read a book. We pick between psychology, parenting, history, or mental toughness for the topics. I do training with my Black Belt on Friday nights for free. The thing they must give me in return is building their minds along with their bodies. So they must read and we have a book club after a couple months to go over our book. Their first book was "Ordinary Men." The current one we are reading is "The Conscious Parent" by Shefali Tsabary. This book talks about bringing this unconscious behavior to the surface so you can connect with your child while letting them be their own entity. It discusses the ego in depth and other good topics. I do not agree with everything in the book but I can say I agree with most. This topic had me reflecting about how important it is for us to introspect and evaluate ourselves on a constant basis.

Over the break, I will do a couple day trip by myself and get away remotely. I do this once a year to reflect on myself, plan for the new year, and relax ina. enw environment. Bill Gates is said to do this. I started this years ago after I looked deep into my psyche. I share this with you today because this introspection, healing my inner child, battling my ego, and journey helped me to not just find success but to find harmonious success. I have peace and security in what I do. I want that for everybody. Maybe you found this through other methods yourself. If you have, please share with me what you did. I am always aiming to better myself and here from others. I am not perfect. None of us are. But I do know one thing, I would kill evil or give up my life to protect the children and students under this dojo and in our world. Your trust and support in our mission to better our community is a blessing I cherish and reflect on daily. I cry sometimes thinking about how the children made me grow as a man, same as they make you grow as parents and people.

The dojo is meant to be a place where everybody can permanently better their lives through veracity, family, and martial arts. The dojo is a place you can be yourself and not be judged, as long as you are doing no harm to others. The dojo is a place where you can mess up and still be supported and encouraged because that is life and that is how you prepare for the world. I want to give this to my students and to their families. If you ever feel I am off track on that, please tell me. I value your viewpoint and aim to better myself everyday for your children. They are not my kids, but I do view them as my own in a way. I bear this responsibility with all of my being. I shock myself sometimes to think that I am a forefront for the community. God gave me that blessing when I was ready. It is something I could never even think to take advantage of any day of my life. I know this. I know who I am. Thank you for being a part of our family at the dojo. Thank you for your support and trust. Thank you for blessing me with my "why;" one that is the same as yours. I hope this gives you more understanding of who I am and what I aim to do. I hope this helps you in your life. Please share with me any advice or life experiences that have transformed you. Introspect. It will grant you harmonious success. I love you all. Osu.