To begin, I had a pleasant surprise happen the other day at our belt ceremony. One of our best adult students, KellieRose, who moved away to pursue her career field made a visit to our ceremony. To celebrate, her, Ms Samantha (another amazing adult student and parent at the dojo), and myself went out for a bite and chatted about life.
As conversation resumed, Sam asked KellieRose, "What is one of your favorite childhood memories?" KellieRose thought briefly honestly stating, "It's hard to for me to remember," to which I interjected, "Where do you have the MOST memories from in your childhood? I ask because where you have the most memories means you felt the safest in that environment to process and remember vs having a flight or flight response."
Sam makes a face and goes, "ahhhhh," agreeing with the truth in that statement. Now this is not true for every situation, but I learned in my life where I had the most memories was where my body and mind were calm, could process, and enjoy/be in the moment. I look back at my life and remember the experiences and how some flourished in certain environments more than others because, in retrospect, I felt safest in that environment. I am sure you can look back and notice the same thing, especially if you had trauma in your childhood but safe spaces in other areas.
Another question I was asked a couple months ago by Ms Samantha and a couple other parents recently, was "what else would you do if you were not teaching karate?" That was a question I had to ponder. I did name a couple things. One goal I do have for the future is to get the dojo functioning more efficiently on its own (without my needing to be there all the time) so I can spread my Bully Buster across the nation. I will come back to Bully Buster in a bit.
One idea that came to my mind from this question was setting up charter schools in different school districts. Karate would be an offered gym extracurricular obviously. More important, one of the sole factors for acceptance into these charter schools would be people abiding by a certain culture and in the interview process, it all being laid out so the parents and students understand the expectation on the social front.
This culture would be the same I wish to bring about in the dojo. This would be addressing people as "sir" and "ma'am." This would enforcing basic concepts like ladies going first. This would be including everybody in all things we do. This would be offering to share things if you bring something that can be shared with others. It would be always telling the truth and living with veracity (without truth, you cannot establish any relationship nor true progress). Essentially, the main factor would be this is an anti-bullying zone or the Bully Busted Zone.
Now of course there will always been basic human tendency for things to happen that could be categorized as bullying. That's okay because it creates room for a lesson to be learned on the social front, teaching students how to navigate life in the future. But this would be a top priority.
Working in 20 schools and numerous districts, I notice some schools that brush things under the rug to avoid harming their reputation or not addressing issues with the appropriate immediate response necessary. For students to be able to take in the knowledge they are learning and retain the information, a child must feel safe and secure in their environment. A child must feel free to be their unique selves in an environment. They must feel encouraged by others and not feel threatened. The brain knows no different. Children are not as consciously aware of when their brains may activate a flight, fight, or freeze response because the brain only knows 0 to 100. We must give kids a space to not feel anxiety when they walk in. They need to feel welcomed and happy to be seen. Everyone has their days they don't want to go do things or go places, even karate. But when a student sees they are greeted with a smile and surrounded by people who want to build them up, they know they can at least endure and create a better day. How many students hate going to school because of the social issues? Many. Especially since COVID.
Back to Bully Buster. I have done this program about 10 years volunteer. I have put over a thousand hours of time into the schools. I take up the gym classes for the entire day, teach blocking (there is no striking because this is meant to avoid violence), give them a physical workout, then act out the steps and explain scenarios in my life where these things have applied. I usually teach about 5-7 classes at a school then come to the dojo to teach 5-6 classes in the evening, get home about 10:30/11p and wake up to do it again the next day. I don't say this for praise. I say this because I give a shit. I tell this to the older students as well. I solely do this program because if it helps one child in a situation where they can save themselves or someone else then it’s worth every second. God has blessed me with many stories from students coming back to me and explaining where my program helped them in life.
I also say how much time goes into this program because it must be understood that teaching takes 110% focus. Any teacher knows how difficult it is to stay fully in tune for each minute of teaching. But you have to because one slip up can jeopardize the safety of a student(s). Parents know how this works too. I have spoken with many first-time parents who say how they are always high alert, as you need to be because you're caring for a life that cannot take care of itself and will only put itself in the worst position by just being. Then you learn where you can relax your mind as time goes on because you learn to let your brain check out and zone so you can relax. Correct me if I am wrong, but you learn when you can check out so you can preserve your own energy and mental health and slowly you gain more of that as your children age, and they become more independent.
Teachers, especially teaching something physical, must always have that keen eye and awareness to make sure no accidents occur and so you can address accidents immediately with knowledge on how they occurred. Also, it could be a simple word or the change in tonality that shows a sign you must address in a person. Simple micro-expressions are how people truly communicate. Nonverbals can tell more than spoken words. A good teacher must pay attention to these little details, so they know how to approach children of different variety (we all are our own people and variety but by variety I mean extreme difference in backgrounds and upbringings). Those simple expressions can reveal something that truly needs attention brought to it, and our biological nature will make us show these nonverbals and micro-expressions naturally. Examples of this are preening methods like playing with hair or turning the feet away (usually means someone wishes to be away from a situation). Covering the neck and playing with one’s face occur sometimes due to discomfort and blood rushing to those parts of the body. Children have not regulated these traits like us as adults. We can learn to become aware and catch ourselves but when we are overly stressed, those traits are just about impossible to stop. Children shows these traits more blatantly. Moreover, deserve us to pay attention to these things because they need guidance on how to handle these stresses of life. It's like I tell the kids when I tell them about listening to their parents - they listen to me because I am an expert (black belt) in my field. Well parents are black belts in life (I know there are some of you thinking of some parents that are probably still yellow belts or maybe you are thinking you are a white belt still in life). I am still learning in life and a white belt all the same. The wisest men always said s smart person knows that they know nothing and know very little about the world. But for the sake of the concept, you follow me. The kids should listen to the black belts of their home like they listen to the black belts of the dojo.
This takes me to another point about this charter school idea. The teachers must endure a different interview process that shows they can pay attention to fine details and stay tuned in without checking out too often to give the best experience for the students that comes through their classroom. To be eligible to judge in karate competitions, our attention, reaction time, and other traits are tested for us to be judges. There are drills we could apply to teachers that grade their notice of attention to detail and awareness under duress. Teachers with these capabilities can create some of the best classes.
It could be any child's last karate class. If you teach a terrible class then that child may never come back. You could teach the most spectacular class and save that student's interest. But if they first know every time they come through that door that they are accepted, loved, and happy to be seen, that is the first step. And if teachers are made aware about paying attention to the little details, they can catch a student before it is too late.
For effective learning, there also must be room for both creativity AND firm guidelines. There has to be structure and rules so children know they are safe to enjoy. This is why rules in games must be enforced and followed. The opposite of this is chaos. If rules are not followed/enforced then when children play, they know they aren’t safe because in the back of their mind there are no guardrails for everyone to abide by so they cannot be focused in the moment and have fun; chaos will inevitably ensue. The students know that the children who manipulate the game will play cruel to get ahead. The students will feel anxiety and unease and then do what they need to do to “survive” since that is our innate human biology. This will be especially present for kids who have been through extreme trauma. The environment must have its enforced rulesets. This allows for healthy competition and learning because the kids know they are safe to be in the moment and work within the confines of the rules since EVERYBODY must do so. It is about fairness. And fairness is something everyone can agree on.
Some of my favorite students to teach are my ones with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). They LOVE to push the boundaries, and they are often smart and manipulative as hell lol. I love working with them because I understand the want/need to push boundaries. We all do. This is why anti-heroes are so attractive to us. I create very definitive lines in my teaching so students understand the line. It takes ALOT to ever get me to yell at a student (usually only if physical safety is intentionally put in harm’s way). I have maybe yelled 3 times to a student in the dojo over my twenty years teaching. They deserved it, and they never thought to cross that line again. Parents supported it as well. But one thing about students with ODD is they unfortunately are not always accepted or wanted to be seen when they go to other activities. I have seen this over the years in numerous cases. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the kids can be assholes (like all kids) but also people in those activities (even coaches) are grateful when that child does not come to practice. I have heard this in multiple circumstances from parents and from coaches/teachers themselves. I have been mildly guilty of this in my first years of teaching. But the dojo was never one of those places. Those students, parents included, truly are thankful there is somewhere their child can go, be safe, follow guidelines, and their presence is a delighted gift to the staff. Their presence is greeted with joy and expected like everyone else.
I had one student with ODD. We will call him Z. I remember I had not seen him for a couple weeks in class. This kid was wicked smart. He hacked his schools servers at one point and changed his grades. He was 12. He was a kid who always had something smart to say back and always wanted the “why” to things. I am a person who LOVES the “why.” I have always been like that myself. He would push buttons however he could but if you made something make sense to him, he would follow.
As I mentioned, he had not been in class for a bit, and I missed him. I called his mother to check in. I remember upon answering the phone and asking where he was, the mother replied, “You called to check on Z?” She said it with such surprise. She then said, “No one ever calls to check on him.” She was extremely grateful and realized how much this place was a haven where her child was accepted and wanting to be seen. He never could do other sports due to his behavior and people were delighted when he did NOT show up. That is terrible. No child should feel that way. It is also devastating to know a mother feels that way, thinking her son is an outcast who is not wanted per se.
I look forward to the smile of every student that walks through that door, especially my wild kiddos. They are my favorite.
Everyone needs a space to be loved and cared for - children most of all - especially while navigating the hardships of life. For them to remember what they learn, they need to have an environment where they feel safe and truly cared for, so their body does not fight or run away and make them check out subconsciously. This will help them learn, retain information, and work together as a unit, at least in my opinion. And let me know if you think it is another factor, please. But I hope you feel the dojo is that type of environment. If not, then let me know because I need to fix something. The dojo should be a safe place for everyone. Lead with honesty and it will never be judged. If we can start with that, we can work with just about anything. Lead with kindness, it will only be reciprocated. The dojo gives the physical/mental aspect to protect the innocence of children in case their physical/emotional side is threatened by someone/something. I truly believe the culture creates a concrete environment for the best learning.
If there is ever something that makes you feel the environment is not this, please let me know so I can address it. I can take honest criticism as well. But I hope you all do feel this is a place where you children can be themselves, feel safe, and learn effectively.
One final point I would like to add is the issue of bullying should be a top priority addressed. Any circumstances that make a child feel unwanted and threatened will affect their learning tenfold. For my idea with charter schools, this is something that will be handled immediately, communicated effectively, and recorded. I believe in schools this is crucial. I believe in the dojo this is crucial. As mentioned, a safe environment for learning will give kids the space to be able to listen, learn, and soak in whatever they need to. With an environment like this, every child will be themselves, unashamed and encouraged by their peers to help others. It will funnel each student down a path of least resistance. It will also teach the students to be confident in who they are so if the world/people are ever cruel to them they will not be afraid to stand out and stand up for themselves. It takes a culture of caring and loving your neighbor aside their differences. We all have much more in common than we think. We are all as messed up as the next person. We were all once innocent little children navigating the world through our own lens. I aspire to have the dojo be a place where everyone, especially our kiddos, feel safe to learn and have fun. I do my Bully Buster to help give students a piece of that image so they work together as a group. It is beautiful to see a diverse group of students in a school come together as one in only one or two days of my program. The teachers are often mesmerized by the attentiveness, teamwork, and respect that the students give off in the short time. And when I revisit the schools to check in, it lets the students know I actually care, and I live by what I teach. How I am in the dojo is how I am outside the dojo. Kids deserve that veracity. Humanity deserves your veracity.
With the culture of the dojo, I believe we can give long-lasting memories that we can retain because we feel safe to let our minds do so. Culture creates a space for concrete learning.
Please know I have thought through this concept critically over my 20 years of teaching. I aim for the dojo to forever be a place everyone can feel safe, not just for the learning, but for the capability to be themselves and be cared for. The students have always been my saving grace. I owe it to them to give the best environment possible and for EVERY student to feel loved and welcomed when they come in that door. All my staff feel this way and are trained to do so. I hope you feel this when you walk in. As aforementioned, if you do not feel this, please let me know.
Thank you for trusting myself and my staff with the most important thing in this world and your lives – the kids. I love each and every one of them with all of my being and I would not be alive if it weren’t for them. I love each of you. Thank you for being a part of our family at the dojo. Osu!
