I'M NOT SPECIAL

I’m not special.

Please read this email when you get a chance. It is quite long so enjoy a nice drink and feel free to get a little more insight on who I am, as you trust me with the most important thing in your life and mine, the kiddos. I always like to be as transparent as possible about who I am for you to know the community I wish to build here. 

To begin, I debated explaining this to all of you because it will take me talking about my accomplishments a bit, which I hate doing but it is necessary for you to understand my background.

I sat and spoke with Sempai Keaton last night and explained some of this to him, as he is one of my finest teen instructors, Black Belts, and proteges, and I think it is important for all of you to know so here we go.

I’m not special. I am a man of faith, and I know not everyone is, which I respect. So I will briefly say that God is the only one who deserves almighty credit as the special One.

I’m not special. My father and martial arts taught me to be the most ferocious YET humble warrior you can be. You are supposed to be a force for good yet no one should know it. It should not be bragged about.

When I first heard of the Navy SEALs, they were the embodiment of that code. The toughest warriors that were silent. You were not supposed to know who they were.

I had the intention to become a SEAL to protect those I loved and serve my country at the highest pinnacle I could. I lived an honest life and always wanted to see others happy.

As most of you know, I am NOT a Navy SEAL. I broke my back in the BUD/S (Basic underwater Demolition/SEAL) pipeline. I did not make it very far. I’m not special.

After I realized I wanted to go down that path and before I went into the service, I had some bad things happen to me from those in my past life (things that were out of my control that I let consume me). The events destroyed my invincible and SELFLESS mindset. I became bitter, I harbored hatred, and I became selfish in certain ways. 

After that, I felt my journey to become a SEAL was for another purpose – to never compare myself to others again. I felt if I could achieve something that less than .001% of the population could, that I would not have to compare myself to those around me anymore. I was thinking I was special. I wanted to prove I was special. I had my own selfish desire to do so.

Mind you, I never used to compare myself when I first began training for the SEALs. It was after the wrongdoings done to me in my life that I began to compare myself and negatively bring myself down constantly.

But what’s worse is I began the journey for only myself. The whole idea of the SEAL teams is to be a TEAM – to put others and the mission before yourself.

Now yes, my back broke due to the training, but I also take responsibility for not truly embodying the ideals of being there for my team. I was so caught up in being broken and depressed that I lost sight of the leadership I always had growing up. I let my team down. I would have never quit, and I didn’t. I never even thought to ring that bell (you ring a bell to say you wish to quit the pipeline). But truthfully, I might as well have said I did quit because I was not thinking of my BUD/S class/team. I was all wrapped up in the wrongs that had been done to me, letting that haunt me, and simply put, my body broke because my mind broke. Your body will be as strong as your mind – I believe this tenfold.

I was medically dropped from BUD/S and then the Navy lied and tried to claim that my back was broken due to scoliosis – after I was cleared through all physicals and x-rays, etc. They also blatantly lied about the curvature of my back in order to get me out of the Navy under 180 days active duty so they did not have to give me anything – GI bill, medical, etc. They denied me my second opinion as not to let me go over 180 days active duty, which they are not allowed to do either. I was not fighting for compensation when I was medically dropped from BUD/S. I was fighting to stay in and achieve my dream of earning a Trident (the pin you earn after completing SEAL training). I was prepared to go chip paint on a ship for two years, not gain rank, heal my back, and return to BUD/S. Unfortunately, big Navy screwed me.

I could have blamed the Navy and the world for losing everything and I did for a long while. It wasn’t until I took responsibility in my life and owned the fact that I did not deserve to be a Navy SEAL. My body broke due to my mind. I did not put others before myself. I wanted to think I was special. I’m not special.

As I have told many of you, I have learned the only way to transcend the suffering of life is to give back to others without expecting anything in return.

When I returned home from the Navy, I had lost my dream, was screwed from the military, was on crutches, and couldn’t even pick up a 10 lb dumbbell. Mind you, when I first started training for the SEAL pipeline, I was running 60 miles a week, swimming 10 miles, lifting hundreds of pounds, etc.

Upon my return home, I came back to the thing I knew best – fighting. Karate was always there for me. More important, I came back to my kids (the students). They were single handedly the only thing that kept me alive. I would have offed myself if it weren’t for their joyful innocent smiles to brighten my life.

After years of mental turmoil, I realized it was time to get myself together and make no excuses. I acknowledged where I failed, and more importantly, I stopped trying to manipulate reality. I stopped trying to lie to myself to make the world fit to me. I began to make sure I always told the truth again. I began to realize I’m not special. I am just like you. We all have our trials and tribulations. You never know what others are going through. And the problems you have are yours to bear because another person may not be as strong as you to handle them.

These are my problems to bear and overcome. I’m not special.

Fast forward to present day.

I have MANY issues with my back and my body since breaking it in the military. I do not tell people about them because it does not matter. It will not stop me.

I have been through NUMEROUS specialists and doctors, and I have done everything for my back from massages to acupuncture to surgery. I lived in constant back pain for nearly 8 years. I had knife pinches in my lower back and my left latissimus dorsi would seize up after a simple sprint. I had this occur in the Navy and I let my entire class down when it happened to me multiple times. It persisted for the years to come.

One thing I have found is RFA (radio-frequency ablation), where they burn the nerves at the spine so your brain does not register the pain. I do an hour of therapy and stretching every morning on top of my training and repeat therapy and ice in the evenings most days. I have a jacked up back. My specialist, Dr Shaia, who does my RFAs (one of the greatest doctors and men I know) always makes a point to tell me how messed up my back is whenever I go in to see him. He says it with good humor and to encourage me that I should be proud of where I am. He has told me my back is the worst he has worked on, and he has worked on thousands.

I say this next statement not to brag but to give you insight on what I deal with – Dr. Shaia said to me during a recent visit verbatim, ”Matt, you are what is called defying the odds. It is nothing short of a miracle what you do with the back you have.”

He then explained how my capability of fighting and training the way I do is astonishing.

Now I DO NOT believe this about myself. I truly believe anyone is capable of do anything if they put their mind to it. I’m not special.

When he explained this to me, I reflected deeply. I’m not special.

People need purpose. I lost the Navy. To find purpose for myself I returned to what I knew best – fighting. I ended up entering Kyokushin Karate – a bare-knuckle full contact karate where you attempt to win by knockout.

I went on this path after I switched my life around and owned responsibility for who I am. I began to make sure I did things for just the good of it and no other reason. I wanted to be the inspiration for my students through and through. I did not want to be a false idol and live a lie. I’m not special.

I ended up becoming a “true champion” in Kyokushin in my first international competition. A “true champion” is one who wins gold in BOTH kata and fighting. This is unheard of because competitors only focus on one thing due to the time it takes to put into one craft.

You are not supposed to fight “knockdown”  (bareknuckle) your first Kyokushin tournament. All fighters are supposed to begin with “semi-knockdown” which includes pads. I received the blessing from the head of the IFK (International Kyokushin Federation) to fight knockdown my first fight since I have trained Shotokan for over 25 years.

You are not supposed to win your first competition, especially in both kata and fighting.

I ended up fighting the United States top international fighter for the championship in the final fight. My coach told me as I prepared to fight, “You know they’re expecting him to win this.” I replied, “I know.”

I ended up becoming a true champion from being a nobody who was doubted by all the onlookers. I ran a business, trained without any assistance from others, and was going against Kyokushin fighters who had been training their whole lives in this style.

I’m not special.

I do not say this to brag. I say this so you know what I have endured. I’m not special

Now allow me to tie this altogether. The US has never had a lightweight Kyokushin world champion, or “true champion.” My goal now is to go to the world championships next year and change that.

My father and I were talking last week after I received an epidural steroid injection in my S1 joint of my lower back. He asked me why I want to fight in the world championships – assuming it was because of my own selfish desire to prove myself and because there is no money in winning it and it could take a toll on my body. Any fighter wishes to fight in order to prove who they are and their worth to themselves. I would say any fighter could agree with this. I’m not special.

But that wasn’t my reason. As I told him and Sempai Keaton – I fight for my kids. I fight purely for my students. My father chuckled and said, “No you don’t. How is that?”

I have learned to not pursue things for selfish reasons in life. The pursuit of giving back to others and living selflessly is the true meaning of life. I learned from my mistakes in the Navy. This is one reason when people have kids they “get their act together.” Its because they care about something more than themselves. They realize they are not special.

To my father’s question, I responded whole heartedly, “I cannot be an inspiration to my students if I cannot overcome adversity. I have had students who have been through some of the worst things in life – sold for sex and drugs, been through numerous foster homes, abuse, everything. These things are nothing I have had to go through. Who am I to teach them, let alone inspire them, if I did not fight through things AND for them. I fight to prove that NO MATTER WHAT setbacks and limitations I may have, I can still fight and aim to achieve greatness. If I live and prove that, then I can inspire them to not let their setbacks and horrid realities of life hold them back. That’s how you inspire. You don’t inspire by being motivated and going hard everyday. You inspire by getting up on the days you don’t want to and proving to them that NO MATTER WHAT, they can achieve greatness in whatever they desire. Its all in your mentality. So yeah, I fight for my students. I’m not special.”

My dad replied, “Well I guess you do fight for them then.”

I won my Kyokushin competition because of my students. I could not have done it without them in my mind. I’m not special. I do NOT believe what I do is a miracle. This life is not about me. I’m not special. I believe everyone is capable of greater things than me and I encourage and want that for all my students and their parents. I’m not special. Each and every one of you are dealing with hardships that may seem unbearable, but I tell you this – those hardships are yours because YOU are the one that can handle them. Someone else in this world would have quit and never even been able to try to endure what you have endured. Each of our paths in life are significant to us. You are the inspiration to those around you. You are my inspiration. I am grateful to hear the stories you share with him and the traumas you have endured and overcome. It fuels me. I’m not special.

Moreover, to be successful in this life and transcend that suffering, you must:

One – do good for good’s sake. Expect nothing in return.

Two – Be honest through and through, to yourself and to others.

Three – Remember that you have been molded to endure like nobody else and set goals that nothing will stop you from achieving. We all are molded to endure like nobody else can.

I aim to give back to my community through martial arts. I aim to inspire by never giving up and showing that nothing holds me back, same as you. I’m not special.

And finally (I know you’re over me talking lol), doing good for others and expecting nothing in return will show others THEY are special to you. Even if they are a stranger. Life is about giving back. When you continue to show others the care and love that the world will not give, you prove they are special in this world.

The world is cruel. You cant change the world unless you change yourself and start by making the world better on your own. Good always shines through, and goodness must be fierce to stave off evil. It starts with you. I’m not special.

This is another reason I genuinely compliment people. Its to show them that something about them was special. I’m not better than anyone else. I’m not special.

BUT when you realize you are making those around you feel special, they will show you why you are special. In the most unexpected times, they will say or do something for you that makes your heart full. An example is my kids telling me they trust me and love me…Dear Lord does that make me feel special.

When you realize you are not special, and we all are dealing with the world; when you realize instead to treat others with specialness because we all deserve a little love, you will begin to realize your worth because it will come back around. Then, you will begin to believe your worth if you live honest and true to others. You begin to realize you are special yourself, just like those around you.

I am special because…

You are special.

I hope whatever you all are going through gets better. Your dojo is here however we can be to help. Thank you for making me feel special. Thank you for being special in my life. And most important, thank you for granting me the most special thing in my life that has kept me fighting – the kids.

The kids gave me a reason to never give up. The kids gave me a reason to keep fighting. The kids saved me from my darkness – the darkness of my past and the darkness of today. The kids saved me and reminded me why living good and pure is the best way to live…because kids are good and pure. They are all special to me, to you, to the dojo, and to the world.

I love you all. Osu.