I was asked an interesting question on the phone on the other day from a lead that came in. A woman was looking for classes for her 11 year-old son. Her son had been dealing with some bullying issues as he is the type of child to wear his heart on his sleeve and get pushed around because of his kindness. I shared this quality when I was younger. The mother also explained how she wanted her son to have more confidence and a stronger backbone. She continued, "I know martial arts is kind of spiritual, too, right? Like it’s meant to be more in-tune with yourself. Why did you pick martial arts to be the thing you do? Like why is this the thing?"
I took a second to digest her question, clarified what she was asking, and then answered. Today, I want to share with you all my answer because I think it is valuable for you to know as you trust my staff with me with your children - the most important thing in our world and in yours and my life. I also share my answer because I want you to truly know why I do what I do and why my family love our passion.
This email will be quite long so take the time when you can relax for a couple minutes and enjoy this read and insight into my mind.
"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." - Pablo Picasso
To begin, I want to clarify what this mother was asking me. She was essentially asking, "Why do I believe martial arts helps people and what do I do it/pass it on for?"
Well, the first an obvious answer is, I would dead if it weren't for my students. I do not need to go into that. The majority of you are aware when I lost the Navy in 2016, I would not be alive if it weren't for the kids to pull me through and have a reason to live.
Now the second part and the answer I shared.
Martial arts is a permanent fixture in people's lives, one way or another. Growing up, I thought about being a marine biologist (I love sharks), a doctor, then a sailor. Martial arts taught me to be a humble protector. It also taught me the foundations for good moral character, along with my upbringing from my parents and my faith.
People deal with many traumas, not just physical, but also mental and emotional. Trying to heal a person's spirit on all fronts is a difficult thing to achieve. I am human and work everyday just to achieve that for myself. This world makes it even easier to get lost and lose a sense of purpose when there are so many comfortable distractions around us.
Understand, I have taught martial arts since I was 8 years old. It may seem a little ridiculous, but I was running preschool classes by 9 and teaching adults by 10. Between the ages of 8-10, I specifically worked with MRDD students, those on the spectrum, behavioral issues, etc. I learned and studied a variety of topics when I was young, especially about topics of ADHD, ODD, down syndrome, and so on.
One thing I began to notice over the years was what martial arts did for these students and every student alike. It slowly gave them somewhat permanent fixes in their character that helped them adapt to the world around them easier for life to come.
I would have students who saw me years later, even after training for only 6 months in the past, say how they STILL remember what karate did for them and how it helped them in "xyz" scenario.
I would have students who had not seen me in Bully Buster for over 5 years suddenly approach me and explain how that 2-day seminar they partook in helped them in situations over the years.
Martial arts was not something temporary...I learned it was something permanent.
To be transparent, I will get mildly graphic but blunt with everyone. Over my 20 years of teaching, we have had students come from some of the worst depths of hell that are present on earth. There are things these children and adults have been through that I could not even imagine. We have had multiple students who were sold for sex and drugs by their own parents. We have had students endure the foster system to no avail, being let go by 10 homes or more. We have had students who were abused by their own family and siblings. The list goes on and on. Aside the nightmares these poor children had to endure, please know we have had adult students with lower self confidence than a shy 5 year-old child. We have had students over 450 lbs. We have had students who wanted to be like Kobra Kai. We have had students who were straight A students, valedictorian, and all-star athletes. We have had students from all walks of life.
That's one thing cool about martial arts. It is full of a diverse group of individuals who are surrounded with one purpose - to build each other up to be the best they can be to help those around them. This, in turn, helps broaden your mind and thoughts in a positive and trusted environment. Where else can you get that nowadays? Also, there are kids who's behaviors/disabilities do not let them enjoy certain team sports or they don't take well to them. Karate is often the one thing they are able to do. It gives them a sense of belonging and a place that is truly happy to have them there to be themselves.
Back to the bigger point. Karate can be used for so much. Whether it is for physical fitness, to get socialization, to overcome trauma, or simply protect yourself, karate does not only give the physical aspect, but leads to a path of self-perfection in character. It leads to a path of self-perfection in character that we all can agree upon at that. The seven virtues of Bushido alone can be universally recognized as good - honor, righteousness, compassion, courage, respect, duty/loyalty, honesty/veracity.
Let me share a few stories before I continue further into my point.
Cole: I had a student named Cole. I will only give first names and limited details due to privacy. Cole had been through 8 foster homes. He had severe trust issues (can you blame him?), anger issues, and was diagnosed ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.). He was an athletic kid, very witty for his age (had smart ass comebacks for an 11 year-old), and was respectful whenever around us. He was taken in by new parents who had called and wanted to find an activity for him that didn't promote violence but still got his aggression out.
Cole trained with us for about 8 months. We saw good progress in his respect, and he really began to open up and trust the dojo after about 4 months. He started to become himself without a filter or wall up. It was beautiful to witness (and not always ideal because of the lack of filter lol). Cole was an awesome kid and student. For everything he had been through, he kept a solid head on his shoulders. The family who had taken him in decided after 8 months they could not deal with his behavior and they took him back to the foster home. He was very troublesome at home, testing boundaries and doing negative things to see if his new family would give him up though he wanted to be adopted. This juxtaposition was normal for him because of his experience in foster care. It was heart-breaking when his foster parents called and said they took him back, but they had to do what was best for them and Cole, as they could not provide for him properly It was hard to tell if anyone could.
Four months later, I receive a call at the dojo. The gentleman called stating, "Hi. So we recently became foster parents and we have a young man with us who said he 'needed to go back to his karate school.' My wife and I were calling to figure out what we need to do to get him back in."
Sure enough, it was Cole. He had been picked up by another family and even after months of not being with us and abruptly leaving, the first thing he wanted to do was come back to his dojo. It was somewhere that was secure. It was somewhere he felt safe. It was somewhere he felt respected. It was somewhere he felt cared for. It was somewhere consistent. Cole returned to the dojo and ended up training for another 2 years. The family that brought back ended up going forward with adoption procedures.
Martial arts gave Cole a place he could trust in a perceived world where he could trust nobody. This is one reason I believe in martial arts. Not only that, but it helped him with his self-control and respect. The biggest factor that contributed to his betterment in character were his new parents, though. They were patient beyond belief and truly do love their son.
Tyler: The principal of a school I do Bully Buster at called me one day and said there was a young boy who was facing truancy charges. He had missed almost 45 days of school, parents were going through a divorce, and he was shutdown. This boy was Tyler. She mentioned that he did love my Bully Buster program and she asked if there was anything I was willing to do that could maybe help.
I had an idea. I grabbed a new uniform and belt and headed up to the school.
I sat and talked with Tyler for about 30 minutes. He opened up about his home situation with much dismay and tears in his eyes. He seemed more scared to leave his mom alone, though no signs of abuse seemed present in the home. This was also a topic I went over with the counselor.
After opening up, I said a couple things then made Tyler a deal with the uniform and belt. I will not say what the deal was or my method because it is not relevant. After this discussion and deal, Tyler got all of his grades up to Bs with two Cs and one D, all from Fs. Not only that, he only missed 4 days of school the rest of the year, due to strep throat, and he passed the 4th grade.
Tyler ended up training with us for a year following this. He felt empowered. He felt safe. He was given a belief in himself that he did not have before. He did not have these same issues as school years continued on and the divorce finalized. This is the beauty of martial arts.
Chase: I made a big life mistake when I was 16 years old. I will not share in depth what it was, but I will say I did not know a person could make a mistake in their life that they could regret forever. I made one of those. To some, it may have been nothing. To me, it was everything, and I could not forgive myself. A little time past after I made this mistake when a student's mom approached me at the dojo. Her son's name was Chase.
Chase was a sophisticated little guy. He was about 7 at this time but had trained with me since he was 4. This young man did not have any particular problems or issues in life. Chase simply did not fit well into other activities, as he was a little socially awkward and a nerd (like me). Karate was somewhere he bettered his athleticism. It was somewhere that helped his physical fitness, coordination, and balance extremely. This came in handy when he did drama and theater later on in life.
Anyway, his mother approached me and said "Hey Sensei Matt, I want to tell you something interesting that Chase told us earlier on our way down here. Now we are a family that throws the word 'love' around the house a lot."
I interjected, "Me too," to which she replied, "We share that. But Chase said something very different that I have never heard him say before. Chase is sitting in the back of the van when starts talking to his dad and me. He goes 'You know what, I like Sensei Matt. You know what, I love Sensei Matt. You know what, I trust Sensei Matt.'"
His mother looked at me and said, "Matt, I have never heard him say he trusts anybody in life besides his father and me. I thought you should know this."
Suddenly, Chase comes running up the ramp after class and his mom looks and asks him to repeat what he said in the van while on the way to the dojo. I will never forget it. Verbatim, Chase looks side to side bobbling his head back and forth, "I told my mom and dad that I like you Sensei Matt. I told them that I love you Sensei Matt." He paused and looked up at me with his bright blue eyes and said, "I told them I trust you Sensei Matt."
I went upstairs after this and BALLED MY EYES OUT for about 20 minutes hahaha.
After the turmoil I felt in my life from my mistake, this conversation threw me for a pleasant whirlwind. Martial arts blessed me with this event. Martial arts blesses people with somewhere they can trust.
I share these couple stories so you can see how martial arts has helped some of our students that come in through our doors. Karate helped me by giving me a clear path to do good with. Karate helped me to keep my body and mind strong through my life. Karate gave me a permanent fixture in my life. It gave me a "why." It gave me the students. It gave me a reason to never give up.
Karate and martial arts offers almost anyone a chance to overcome their worst enemy - themselves. It teaches that imperfection is okay, as long as it is honest and recognized. It teaches people to pursue a greater self, especially by giving back to others selflessly. It teaches qualities and concepts that can be given and taken with students to help them in numerous aspects of their life. Martial arts teaches the tools to help the world and protect yourself from the suffering of the world. It gives some permanent sense of healing to the soul that I have never been able to find in anything else. Martial arts gives our youth the tools to help make our future safer and better. Martial arts teaches the leadership to stand up, regardless of fear, in the face of evil. It teaches the humility to bite your tongue and let the loudest person think they are right. It teaches AND implements into the person how to embody these qualities into themselves to make their world and life better. It also lets you punch people for a workout, so thats always cool too lol.
I believe in martial arts because of the permanent affects. If commitment and continued support is accomplished from our families, we can almost certainly see these permanent effects sit in as students continue through their training. It truly is beautiful to witness.
Now I share the last story of Chase for a bonus reason. This young man said he trusted me. This is one of the most valuable things.
Martial arts CANNOT be a permanent fixture for those in it if the foundations of the school do not have trust. No group, sport, or place can help people if there is no solidified trust established among the domain. If anything is built on a lie, it will surely self destruct and topple over. There are dojos, and any business for that matter, that take advantage of their clients and do not lead with the right foot forward. Luckily, there are fewer rather than more.
In previous emails, I have explained how in life we do not want to manipulate people - even if it is without intention. Human beings are selfish in nature and will often manipulate (even if innocently/unaware) those around us for our own benefits. This is often why people are so put-off by people who randomly speak to them or do something for them. Too often in life, people have done things with ulterior motives behind their actions. This makes the original action disingenuous. Additionally, this will make us trust people less and less as our perception of the world can only be manifested by our own experiences. Our mind retains the information as a failsafe from future danger. We begin to feel people are out to get us. We begin to feel that things are not done genuinely for us and our well-being. This will make us weary of anyone that does something around us. This, in turn, leads to more seclusion from others and builds resentment/malice. This is not in all cases, but in my experiences and as seen in others, it is many.
How can you make sure you are inspiring people and leading them the right way without manipulating so people know it is safe, especially for those who are afraid to trust and hold resentment...especially those kids who have been wronged by evil and trust no one? I am human and guilty the same as everyone else on having selfish tendencies in life. But we should never manipulate the ones we love and care about. Sometimes you have to be selfish and take care of yourself to be good to take care of others. Still, how can we make sure we are doing things without manipulating those we adore. Its like a debate. Could that be manipulation to get someone to see your point of view in a discussion? It could be, but it truly depends on the INTENTION in what you are doing.
So, if intention is what dictates manipulation or genuine behavior, then what intention should we have?
This is how I came to the conclusion to just do good for good's sake. If you know within yourself, and have asked yourself what your intentions are with everything you have to say and everything you aim to do, then you will be aware of your human, yet manipulative, behaviors. Do things with the intent to help others without expecting anything in return; use truth/honesty to guide it.
I have been manipulated horribly by those who I would have died for in my life. We all have been duped by somebody we trusted at one point or another. It taught me to put my shields up like anyone else. It taught me how to play the game. It is not a game anyone wants to play but yet we play it daily, where people put on false bravados or masks to cover up who they are or how they are feeling. How can you give people the true and honest you without putting your own heart in jeopardy? How can you get others to know its safe to be themselves free of judgement?
Simple, know your intentions and everything that guides you; be sure you are doing things for good to those around you without recognition. Instead of convincing people, you learn you are collaborating with them instead, like a team. Instead of manipulating people, you learn you will truly inspire people because people can see and recognize realness. Instead of being selfish, you will learn to find solace in wanting to put others before yourself because it feels...simply good.
Martial arts offers all of this and then teaches how to pass it on. That is why I believe in martial arts.
Now I am not saying this is the said-all solution to life, nor am I saying this is what you have to do to be happy or fulfilled. I simply share these thoughts because these are some conclusions I came to and figure maybe they can help or relate to one of you.
This is why our missions statement is, "to permanently better lives through veracity, family, and martial arts."
I could not and did not have a right to lead anybody if I did not believe in what I do. I did not have the right to help others if I did not live with veracity in what I preach. I did not have a right to lead if I did not cherish the trust that was given to me. We, at the dojo, would not have a right to lead if we did not live truthfully.
To conclude, I shared the point about trust because I want all of you to know how much that trust means to me, and how grateful I am to have it. To have the trust of a child is something so pure and should never be tampered with, and the world will hit us enough and make us/our children question everything. Martial arts taught others and myself how to be firm in our words and actions, to protect against wrong, to trust in ourselves, and to give back to the world. Martial arts was a permanent fixture for anyone that truly touched its path. It did right for me. It gave me the most important thing in my life, the kids, which is why I go so deep into thought on these topics - to make sure that their trust is always guarded, cared for, and prioritized.
I believe in the martial arts because its permanent in its ways to better the world. I am grateful everyday for your trust and relationships. I love you all. Osu!
